The Dreaded “B” Word…

Welcome to Part 2 of Operation More Joy Less Stress!

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As I swore I wouldn’t do in “Are your for real?!” I sat down and made an out line to figure out where the main stressors were in my life….I lovingly entitled it…”What’s Stealing My Joy“….and in true over complicator fashion….its was 9 pages long (smh) but small win instead of letting myself get overwhelmed…. I tried to scale it back and simplify it into categories to make it manageable.

Simple is Better! 

I began to recogize a pattern, no matter what the problem was it really all came down to one thing…

What is Stealing my Joy?  Basically it boils down to this simple concept….THERE IS NO TIME.

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There is no time for Joy. No time for happiness. Not time for rest. No time.to find.a betyer way. No time for anything.

I realized there are 3 main areas in my life that have become time suckers….These are the areas I will be focusing on thruout this series.

Time Suckers that have stolen my joy….

  • Money…Over Spending, Not Enough Savings, Living above our Means, Spending too much time at work
  • Poor Scheduling…The kids need a better schedule with earlier bedtimes. I need time to decompress @ night. Stop allowing myself to over schedule. My lack of ability to say no… I need to work on finding my “Best Yes
  • Organization/preparation…being better organized  and prepared working a head will allow for more time to enjoy whats going on around me. (darn Pinterest and the 40 bazillion organizing blogs!)

As we get started on this series I figured lets start out with the tough stuff first….We can not hide from it anymore…

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Money….

Those of you who know me know that I have spent this last year working two jobs and trying to maintain everything all at once. We have been faithful Dave Ramsey followers for years and he tells you all the time suck it up and get a second job!

I am a “Do’er” this is an easy concept for me. You put your head down and work and you keep on keeping on until you power thru the tough times….this is true in some cases but I have realized this is not the case every time.

One of my absolute favorite Preachers Perry Noble of New Spring Church in Anderson SC; he wrote a great book on battling Depression from a Christian stand point called “Overwhelmed” he says in this book what triggered the downward spiral of depression was he was:

“Living life at an unsustainable pace”

This is exactly what I have been doing…and I have realized the busyiness has to stop now, I am not even enjoying the life I am working so hard to keep up with. That doesn’t make much sense.

The 1st principal I have learned as I have studied this is a tough one to swallow but its is certainly true….

The Answer to Financial problems is rarely ever to make more money

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This seems counter intuitive

I have been trying and trying to work the Dave Ramsey Envelopes System for years. We have taken Financial Peace University twice and I truly belive in the method.

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But we just couldn’t make it work. I think it’s because I am very all or nothing. (My therapist calls this destructive thinking….I call this totally realistic!…and that is why I am not a counselor lol) but there is this perfectionist piece in me and if I can’t get it right then I don’t want to play…and really budgeting takes time to get it right.

So though I think Dave Ramsey is the cream of the crop for financial advice. I struggle to implement his teachings… I knew I needed to find a different plan.

I went to the Faith filled Women’s conference this spring (if you have never gone and live on the Eastern Shore….Go.) and the featured speaker this year was Valerie Burton. She wasn’t speaking on finances at all but in passing she mentioned this little nugget if wisdom that really changed the way I thought about budgeting…

Only plan to live on 80% of your bring home pay

This was a revolutionary concept for me. My Dave Ramsey plan always had me

spending every penny on paper before the week begins

This is always the downfall point for my all or nothing perfectionist nature….I spend hours and hours creating a color coded spreadsheet of the weekly budget on Thursday night and before Mr. No Words (should change his name to Mr. No Budget) can check his email to decode my flow charts he has already bought breakfast and gotten a hair cut….budget ruined. We will try again next week…sigh it looks so pretty on paper.

To add to that we recently ready William Harley’s His Needs Her Needs…and in the chapter about Financial Support…he introduced another little nugget that changed my money concepts….

(Disclaimer: this might make some people uncofortable….in 2015 we tend to challenge specific gender roles within relationships….please put your flame throwers and pitch forks away…its ok to not agree… I myself tend to not want to fit into this box of what a womens role should be as I read past the surface level and got to the heart of what he was trying to say I realized it totally makes sense for our situation. …it may not for yours and that’s ok….okay off my soap box back to your regularly scheduled blogging)

I am loosely paraphrasing his concept here but he basically teaches:

The Husband should be able to support the NEEDEDS of the family…..The Wife’s financial role should be used for WANTS.

This takes the pressures off the wife to have to “Balance it All” because where we struggle relationally in my own household is; I can not relax with things left undone. (Men don’t tend to carry this burden the same) So after a long hard day at work Mr. No Words can happily veg out on the couch and relex and refresh for another day…while I am looking around with a to do list mile long angry and resentful because even though I  am working just as hard as he is the household responsibilities are not 50/50. This isn’t my husband fault. He would be just as content if I left all of the other stuff go came and vegged out with him….but I am not as comfortable with that.

Though I have a ton more to say (don’t I always) this post is getting excessively long and I want you to be able to read along and stay engaged (oh codependency how I have missed you) I am gonna sum it up for now and leave the rest of my super awesome financial insights for another day!

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Here is what my More Joy budget is going to focus on…it is mash up of these 3 incredibly smart peoples financial wisdom:

I am calling it the 80/10/10 rule…

We are going to seperate wants and  needs.

Needs:

  • Rent
  • Gas
  • Insurance
  • Food
  • Electricity…ects

Wants:

  • Cable
  • Phone
  • Day Care
  • Blow Money
  • Housing Goods
  • Beauty/ Personal Up Keep ect

Mr. No Words (Regular Paycheck)

  • 80% Needs
  • 10% Tithe
  • 10% Savings

Mrs. 10,000 Words (Regular Paycheck)

  • 80% Wants
  • 10% Tithe
  • 10% Debt Snowball

Now this is not going to be easy.  I am not sure that our current needs will fit into that 80% rule.  But the thing that I am learning is…we are all working so hard to keep up with the standard of living that we currently have…it is Stealing all of our joy!

Sooo maybe it’s time to give up some of the niceties. (Ouch that stung to even write…truth hurts sometimes) Downsize the material things so we have more time for joy.

Live with what we can afford instead of trying to afford how we want to live.

That is the sweet spot where I will find joy peace and hope.

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